Brave

We are at Target, like we are so often, and she wants a sticker from the cashier. The cashier is a friendly older woman, probably with grandchildren of her own, and she wants Stevie to say please for the stickers.

It isn’t an unusual situation or request. I want her to say please too, but I see the panic in her eyes. The anxiety, already bubbling near the surface from all the waves and hellos from people as we shopped, spills over and it all becomes too much.

“NO”

And I know that is the only word that we are going to get. I smile at the cashier.

“Is she shy?” she asks with a smile.

Yes, she definitely is shy. But of course its so much more than that, but this is not the time or place to go into it all…

“Yes” I respond with a grateful smile as she hands me the stickers. I hand them to Stevie who is in a ball in the buggie looking up at the sky to avoid eye contact with anyone.

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She is making so much progress. She really is. She is working so hard in therapy. And it is hard work. I know the struggle and pain that anxiety can bring. I know how helpful therapy is, but I also know how hard it is.

It is so hard to see her struggle and so inspiring to see her work so hard.

In therapy we talk about being brave. And she is. She’s one of the bravest people I know. Her bravery is quiet and small steps, but it inspires me.

She is brave when she waves at someone at the store.
She is brave when she smiles instead of melting down.
She is brave when she waves or gives a thumbs up to the other Dr.s at the therapy office.
She is brave when she takes deep breaths and talks about her feelings.
She is brave when she plays on the playground with kids around.
She is brave when she tries something new.
She is brave when she goes to gymnastics every week.
She is brave when its hard to say goodbye to someone.
She is brave when something doesn’t work right and she tries again.
She is brave when she is in new environments.
She is brave when she smiles at the Target cashier and gets a sticker.
She is brave everyday in so many small moments.

We tell her she can do hard things and she proves us right over and over. She inspires me to be brave and reminds me that I can do hard things.

Progress right now looks like waving at one person when we go to Target or giving a thumbs up when someone says they like her glasses. It looks like small acts of bravery in situations that most people don’t think twice about.

One day I know that my brave girl will happily ask the cashier at Target for stickers with a please and thank you, but until then a smile, thumbs up, or wave are inspiring me to be brave.